A New Blog
Here we go ladies and gents with a brand-new blog, it has been a few months since my last Blog which I am now calling “The Blog that shan’t be named” if you missed it, check it out right here
I was and still am thinking about doing a blog about how much our beards really mean to us, the true meaning of beards but for now I wanted to do something very personal to myself and just maybe to others out there too, so let’s jump into it!
Background
So I think it is best that you guys get a history lesson before we dive into the deep stuff, I have two kids who are biologically mine and in September 2021 their mother and I mutually broke up after 7 years during this time being single I moved back in with my mum who was just about to move house, so she had very little happening at her house including * drum roll * …. no internet! Yes it nearly killed me because the area she lives in is like living in Beirut for phone signal, I had something called H+ and even that was on 1bar hahaha.
Now my new partner unknowns to me was going through a breakup of her own, in October 2021, her ex husband and Jade broke up mutually again after 7 years of being together ( what’s funny is between my ex, Jade and I is that we learnt about 5 other couples who got together in 2014 had also broken up ). 2 weeks down the line I ring Jade wanting to come visit and see her kids, we had often met up with my ex and other people from a group we had all been a part of and including everyone’s kids, so we were all friendly and got on really well, especially with the kids. I had not seen Jade and her 3 kids for 5 weeks, maybe 6 and when I got on the phone to her, she told me about her and her ex husband.
Long story short after a few more friendly visits and offering to help her out with clearing out the old and so on, a month of consoling each other through hard times and also a little push from Jades’ ex ( yes that’s right ) we decided to take things slow and see where they went, as friends we had never really looked at each other in that way and did not want to ruin that, but we also thought what if we could have something really great.
Family
Come the new year and I find myself living with Jade and her 3 kids, I don’t see my own kids every day, and I am thrown into a different way of living, parenting, a new town, a new family and more. Jade and I are realising how amazing each other is and that we fulfil each others wants, needs and desires giving each other what no one else has done in the past, you get the picture, eternal honey moon phase literally!
I have stepped into the father figure for these 3 kids, teaching, disciplining, loving, laughter, playing and genuinely being there for them. Their biological dad at this point has moved on, found a new woman, moved away and wiped his hands clean the shit he has done is truly vile and disgusting, and he isn’t the only ex to do so, my own ex has had her fair share of questionable moments.
Doing this for 3 kids who aren’t biologically my own felt really alien to me at first, I felt like I was cheating on my own kids and not being a dad to them, losing the connection to them. Pushing them away as I got closer to Jades kids, and they got closer to me, which in all honesty didn’t happen quickly either. With Jades eldest (Shyla) she loved me straight away because I would play fight with her, watch movies with her, do make up nights with her, pay for her to go to jungle gym, get her presents out of the blue. I think she quickly realised that that is how a dad should be and in no time at all she started calling me daddy and that is when it hit me.
Being a stepdad
It hit me like a ton of bricks, you are their dad now, you are responsible, you are not just there for their mum as your partner, you live in their house! I put food on the table, roof over their heads and clothes on their backs. I have to step up even more than I already had been doing, it had been difficult with Jades middle child ( Bryce ) he still remembered the sperm donor but eventually after doing what I do best in this world ( being a dad) he called me the best stepdad, then the best dad, and he would come up to me giving me cuddles and telling me he loves me. There is no better feeling having your time, effort and doubts rewarded with this beautiful young boy who looks to you now to get him through this cruel world, give you his love back.
I give to these 3 what I give to my own because to put it simply, they are my own now. When you take on a new woman with kids of her own, you take on her kids too. You dive in the deep end, and you swim back up to the surface, you put the sharks at the bottom of the sea, and you crack on, there are no if’s and’s or but’s. It’s what I’ve always done with everything I have ever done in all fairness, never done anything the easy way only the hard way and don’t get me wrong it has been hard, but now I have 5 amazing kids, and they all get a long so well loving each other as siblings caring for each other and as always, having a few spats with each other. I try to teach them we are family now brothers and sisters, mummy jade and daddy plus our little pug called Bonnie are one tribe.
On The Other Foot
Now I realised this next point very early on and accepted it very quickly, my own kids will one day have their own stepdad who does everything I do and that one day my kids might call him daddy or dad as well. I accepted this because at the end of the day I want a good constant male figure in my kids lives who bring them love, support and laughter every day because unfortunately I am no longer there any more to do that, and they deserve to have that every day. I try my best through the facetimes 3x a week and the weekend sleep-overs every 2 weeks, at the end of the day I have to have that trust in my ex partner to pick a new partner who will realise what I have and step up and in all honesty even though I don’t know too much about him, I think she has done. My ex tells me the kids get excited to see him, he plays with them, looks after them, cuddles them when they’re poorly, takes them out to fun places and feeds them. As a dad, what more can I ask for from a man who is with the mother of my children ?
What kills me the most is this, with Jades 3 I am always taking them to and from school, doing school projects, putting them to bed, getting them dressed, doing activities, going to events and so much more. But I’m never there to do that for Lyana and Thorin, I’ll never pick Thorin up from nursery and I will probably never attend one of Lyanas parents evening or take her to and from dance lessons. After all we live an hour drive apart and my partner and I do not drive at the moment, so when my two come and stay over I do treat them, I do take them out, I do activities and so on.
Jade Being a Step Mum
I don’t want to write too much on Jades’ behalf, but I know she shares the same opinions I do, she is Lyanas and Thorins step mum and I tell you what she is the best. Putting in the effort treating them both as her own, she does everything a mum should do and more, always keeping up enthusiasm and engaging in conversation and more over face time and face to face. I remember her telling me that she finds it hard because they only see Jade twice a month for a weekend at a time, and she thinks that is why they have taken longer to get used to her. But I am glad the kids are past that staged now, and they love her just as much as she loves them.
Conclusion
Being a stepdad and a dad needs a whole new word because it is the most wonderful experience ever I have this large fantastic beautiful family that I would die for and some of my longest and closest friends would tell you that one of my dreams is to be a grandad sat around a large and long table in a back garden with the BBQ on surrounded by my partner, our kids and their kids, apart from wanting to be a Jedi and the captain of the SS Enterprise I have never really dreamt of much past that.
Jades 3 are such characters, so loving, wild ( in a good way ) and very caring and polite, to have them excited for me when I come home from work and hear them shout “Daddy!” is very heart warming and rewarding to the effort I put in daily. The connection I now have with them is unbreakable and that is the truth it is a solid bond and that is because behind closed doors I am being a Father in every aspect of how a real Father should be to his kids or his step kids. I can also honestly say that now my ex and I are no longer together both of us are happier and healthier people, she has lost loads of weight and I no longer drink, this change in our lives has had positive effects on all the kids including my own two.
My advice ? You are their dad now, they look to you for guidance, support, love, comfort, to play, to cry on, to be fed and to look to for protection. If you can not provide that for the children of the woman you love, then in my opinion you are wasting that woman’s time because there is a man out there who could give that woman what you do but also love her kids like they are his own. And I can tell you now she doesn’t care about fancy gifts, holidays and all that bollocks, all she cares about is you going to give her kids a Father.
Stay Safe, Stay Bearded, Stay Fire!
